My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
