I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
