What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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