You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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