im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i came on her dog
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
