You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
