very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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