i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
