I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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