Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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