i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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