both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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