And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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