I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
