take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
