Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
