My first STD was from a foam party
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
