I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
