I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
