you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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