That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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