it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
