the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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