i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
