Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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