he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
