im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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