You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The air was thick with penises
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
