I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
