never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
