im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
