omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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