cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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