So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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