I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
