There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
