So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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