...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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