So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
