I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
two words...techno handjob
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
