If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
