ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
