Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
