On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
