With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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