I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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