Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
