That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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