ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
