just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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