Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
