Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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