I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
