I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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