According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
