Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
