so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
