...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
