Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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