im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
