Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
