call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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