his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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