My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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