i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
