highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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