Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
