Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
