he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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