i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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