I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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