i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
