I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
