told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
